i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
