dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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