where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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