I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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