i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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