Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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