Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
