I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
