stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
