I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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