when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
