It's like God shit irony all over that family
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
