but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
