I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
