tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
