Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
