best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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