I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
