Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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