pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
