How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
