I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
this will be a night to untag.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
