Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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