The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Say something about gay babies.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
