either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
