You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
