i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
