Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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