She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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