Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I have already put on my inside pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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