I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
