3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
