this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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