Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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