The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
