allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
