sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
