I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
