my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I looked at my own cervix.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
