That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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