She is in my trunk
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
