Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
