if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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