Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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