I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
