It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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