The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize