When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
