So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
