So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
