Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
