My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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