I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
