rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
