I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
