I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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