I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
