i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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