I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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