vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
