Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
