I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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