we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
