sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
