Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
