: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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