I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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