so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
