i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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