are you so shy because you have an std?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
