im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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