Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
too bad you live with your parents still
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
