Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
