there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
