Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My feet surprised me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
